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King of Bocce

April 19, 2024 | McAvoy Lane

Michael Lucido, raised at Tahoe by sterling parents, is now CEO of a Reno advertising agency, “Eighty 8 Studios.” Michael recently asked me to portray a fictitious character, Mr. Bundox, King of the Kingdom of Bocce. Michael’s objective is to promote the sport of bocce ball within the lavish courts of Reno’s Renaissance Hotel. So off we went, with his creative crew of six talented technicians, to focus the attentions of the world on the regal Sport of Bocce.

In full disclosure, I have never played bocce ball before. I cannot even spell bocce ball, but that has never deterred me, as, given an opportunity, I am always ready to pretend to be king of just about anything. And thanks to the art of special effects, I can do things with a bocce ball that nobody has ever been seen before, like spinning a bocce ball on my finger, and rolling a bocce ball around on my arms like a Harlem Globetrotter rolling a basketball, I can even pull a bocce ball out of my hat!  

Promising me that my wide-brimmed Panama hat will hide my face, Michael asked me to hop up onto the longest bar in Nevada and do a bocce ball dance. These television commercials are due out next month, and I sincerely hope Michael is right about that hat, for those who criticize my writing never saw me dance.

So what does the King of Bocce do when not coaching bocce ball? Well, most responsibly, he uses his bully pulpit as king to declare cease fires in Ukraine, the Middle East and Sudan. Who can say no to the King of Bocce? Here is his declaration…


As King of the Kingdom of Bocce, and Pro Tempore Sovereign of the World, I, Mr. Bundox, do issue this Decree: All parties involved do hereby Cease and Desist Hostilities in Ukraine, Sudan and the Middle East, while allowing the United Nations to author Articles of Sustainable Truce and Lasting Peace. 

In order to tap the brakes on an escalatory path toward dire straits, I shall fly to the United Nations myself tomorrow and deliver this decree. The time has come in this year of our Lord 2024, to put violence on the dustheap of history as a means of solving problems.

Once the cease fires are firmly in place, I shall humbly step down as Pro Tempore Sovereign of the World, and return to my calling as Renaissance coach of the great sport of Bocce Ball…  

Your humble servant and dedicated middleman,

Mr. Bundox,

King of Bocce

Audio: https://open.spotify.com/show/7Fhv4PrH1UuwlhbnTT23zO

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