The invitation I received from Russia to lecture as Mark Twain at Leningrad University was warm and welcome. This was back in the early nineties, when St. Petersburg was experimenting with glasnost and perestroika, and flirting with private enterprise.
Well, when those college kids were told I had come all the way from the Great State of Nevada to meet with them, their first question to me was, “Can we see your gun?” They were very well read, and we were able to discuss Life on the Mississippi at length. I loved those kids, now adults in their fifties, still do…
My host for that glorious occasion was a physics professor by the name of Sergey, who was walking with me off campus following our time with those gifted students, when we were struck by an aroma from an outdoor vodka bar, and Sergey asked, “Zadroozboo?” Which I guessed from his inviting smile, meant, “Shall we take a drink?”
Sergey explained to me that there is an old saw that attests, “Let a man take a tot of St. Petersburg Vodka, and he will fancy that he owns the Hermitage, the Winter Palace, and the Eternal Flame!” Well, how could a self-respecting Nevadan turn down an opportunity like that? And Sergey was right! For one short moment in St. Petersburg, I did own the Hermitage, the Winter Palace, and the Eternal Flame…
In the glowing week that followed I got to climb inside Sputnik Two, enter the Church of Blood, and pass under the Golden Dome of St. Isaac’s Cathedral, all while being treated like an elder statesman. It was heartwarming, really, and I only wish we could do it again today.
Were I in charge, I would invite former Ambassador Michael McFaul to come out of retirement to work with current Ambassador Lynne Marie Tracy in facilitating a working relationship between Secretary Marco Rubio, Secretary Sergey Lavrov, President Trump, President Putin, and of course President Zelensky, to put a final end to the war in Ukraine.
I would then initiate student exchanges, artist exchanges and musician exchanges to nurture our relationship.
One evening in my weeklong stay, Sergey excused himself from dinner to take a call, and returned pale as a ghost. I asked him, “Sergey, what’s the matter, is it anything I can help you with?”
“That was the new minister of interior. He told me because of new conservation measures I must cancel my Bear Hunt next week, and I have already rented the bear.”
“You rent the bear?” I asked.
“Yes, I was to pick him up in Kyiv day after tomorrow. The Finns don’t kill the bear, just let the dogs nip him on the rump, then they call off the dogs, and I return the bear to the owner. The Finns come to my bear hunt only for Russian vodka, but now the hunt is off, and I have already been paid. Mark, this capitalism of yours is killing me.”
To be continued…
Audio: https://open.spotify.com/show/7Fhv4PrH1UuwlhbnTT23zO
